Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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