and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
