Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
