8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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