i don't like sucking hair
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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