You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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