You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
