I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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