What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
