weddingsv make me drug and hornr
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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