i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
