I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
