Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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