I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
