Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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