That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
