I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
