Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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