Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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