she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
