i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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