Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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