brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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