i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
