no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
