i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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