do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
