I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
