yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
