Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
