Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
