I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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