Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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