forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
