I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
