i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
