hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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