dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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