just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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