oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
