I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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