if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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