i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
