We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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