if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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