when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
