If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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