this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
