i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm at about main and main street
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
