and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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